


Undying Shadows

by SkipBack



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Basically we're in the apocalypse now boys, Fluff, all of my ocs are idiots and you can't change my mind, and zib overall is an idiot but i love him so he gets to be in this story, dib has some fun at zib's expense, dib is an adult but zib isn't, dib's both alive and dead, i should stop writing stories but i have a writer's brain so UNDYING SHADOWS AU, it's professor irkbrane, my favorite headcanon ever is in here, professor membrane's actually a decent father because i said so, puttin some just in case tags here, tallest zim???? yes, they're not actually useful but they think they are, zib is an angry gremlin, zib shows up in chapter two, zib thinks he's useful too but he's got a zim brain, zim's a paranoid tallest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkipBack/pseuds/SkipBack
Summary: Zim has actually won. He's defeated his nemesis, and now has Earth under his claws. But conquering Earth wasn't enough. Now, with the entire Empire under his command, paranoia has Zim searching what's left of Earth to find his supposedly dead nemesis, one Dibromide "Dib" Membrane. And he'll stop at nothing until either Dib or his corpse is brought to him.It can't hurt to make sure his nemesis is gone for good, after all.
Kudos: 8





	1. The Moth

**Author's Note:**

> **!~ NOTES BEFORE YOU GET INTO THE STORY ~!**
> 
> HEYO! So uh... welcome to Undying Shadows!
> 
> I had an original version of Undying's first chapter written out, as well as part of the second chapter Then I had another version of Undying I was trying to write out, but that didn't work.
> 
> So I decided to take the "opening sequence" in the second version, and stuff it in before the first chapter, and now I have a first chapter I'm proud to present!
> 
> Should I have another story under my belt? No, of course not. Am I still going to write it anyway? You bet your sweetest tooth I am. be patient with me, i have an ADHD brain-
> 
> Just a head's up — you're about to see the name "Dibromide" thrown around A LOT. God forbid if I can remember who came up with it, so to whoever exactly came up with it, please step up so I can properly credit you? Thanks.
> 
> **!~ AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEEDED TO KNOW. ENJOY THE STORY :D ~!**

_Earth._

_Long ago, there had been a time where this planet had been something beautiful. Of course, the inhabitants of this planet had begun to turn it into something else, steadily starting to kill it off. Of course, a man known as Professor Membrane (who, if you tried to look into his past, seemed to have appeared right out of thin air) would try to make the planet better... but he didn't yet know it would be in vain._

_For behind the scenes, an Irken Invader had come to his planet to conquer it, under the guise of a green boy without a nose or ears._

_Of course, the only one who had seen through the hideous disguise was the professor's own son, a boy named Dibromide Membrane (better known as Dib to his peers). He'd been so close to exposing the alien menace the first day they had met, but only the Invader's quick thinking had saved him from that fate._

_The two became enemies from that point on._

_Dib devoted his time to stopping the Irken from taking his planet, whilst also trying to expose him and show everyone that aliens truly did exist, even though at one point in the future an alternate version of himself would tell him people would continue to be blind to the truth even if he did. Of course, Dib would immediately disregard that information. After all, it was just one timeline. Surely it wasn't true for_ his _universe...._

_For years, Dib's fight against the alien Invader Zim had been at a standstill until one day... it ended. Zim emerged victorious, and Dib vanished, pressumably dead. Though the power of one planet wasn't enough for the Irken, no. He needed more. He craved more. He WANTED MORE._

_Since something had seemed to agree with Zim, the Irken had grown taller; once he realized this, he decided it was about time that he took control over the Empire. After all, if he was the Almighty Tallest, people would see that he truly was the almighty Zim he claimed to be._

_Yet, power is sometimes known to make one paranoid._

_Rumors that Dib still lived began to rise. Tallest Zim, once the rumors reached his antennae... well, he was suddenly overcome with paranoia. If Dib truly wasn't dead... then he might be out there, plotting a way to take Zim down and free his planet from the claws of the Irken Empire._

_Though it would be better to blow Earth up in order to stop all and any rumors that his supposedly dead nemesis still lives, and kill him before he could stop him (should he actually still be alive), Zim's paranoia caused him to tighten his grip on the planet, and now has Irken search parties searching the hellish landscape that now is Earth, looking for either Dib... or for Dib's corpse._

_After all, while Zim was smarter than people would give him credit for, he was known to use his ideas for the wrong things._

_But while Zim's forces search the planet, right below their feet where they hadn't dared to search, something was happening... something that could potentially change everything...._

\------------------ 

" _Ugh..._ are you _sure_ this is the right place?" 

"Yes, I'm positive," Ziana said, her voice quiet. "Now, hush! We're trying _not_ to attract attention, remember?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Rem said, still quite loud, holding his nose. "Just... of all places you could hide a secret rebellion, why... here?" 

"Rem, please!" Ziana hissed. "Keep your voice down!" 

Rem grumbled, but thankfully he stayed quiet this time around. Ziana and her brothers, after an ungodly long time searching, had found what they believed the hideout to the rebellion lead by the supposedly deceased Dibromide Membrane. Yes, it was dark and really... REALLY smelly, but strong smells did tend to overload an Irken's senses. And Dibromide was apparently somewhat of an expert on Irkens, so of course he would know that. 

But if you didn't know that, why Dibromide would choose to hide his rebellion in the sewers was frankly insane. (And yes, it would still be insane if it wasn't he who was leading the rebellion.) 

"Do you really think he's still alive?" Jick piped up. His voice was soft, barely audible. His orange eyes were wide with anxiety and fear. "What if Dibromide _is_ dead, and we're wasting our time?" 

Ziana rested a hand on her brother's shoulder (though she had to reach up because he was taller than her). "Jick, I know you're nervous about this whole plan," she said, "but even if Dibromide is dead, the rebellion still needs all the hands they can get." 

"But what if they...." He trailed off, his orange eyes on the ground, hands fiddling with the collar of his overly massive sweater. "You know." 

"They won't." Ziana was only hoping that was true. 

The three kept walking in silence. Eventually, Rem piped up: "But seriously, what if this is the wrong place? You know... what if this is a trap? Or... we're about to walk into an ambush?" 

"Rem, please. Who would do that?" Ziana asked. "Like, really... who would ambush three small children?" Especially since Rem had green bangs and the face of a bird, Jick looked more like a girl with his long brown hair pulled into a ponytail, and Ziana... well, she admittedly looked like she was going through an emo phase. 

"Irkens," Rem said. 

Ziana pursed her lips. "Well, maybe. But Irkens wouldn't go here." 

"We're here," Jick said abruptly. 

"Yeah, but we don't count," Ziana told him. 

Jick turned his head towards her, and until now she hadn't realized _unimpressed_ was an emotion he was capable of expressing. "No, Zee," he said. "We're here." 

It took her a minute to realize what he meant by that; before them, though it was beyond her why or how it was there, was a door. A metal door, fortified and locked up tight, with a slot over their heads. The wall around it was a pale gray, and even it looked pretty sturdy. 

It was bad for morale for a leader to show signs of weakness, as far as Ziana knew. And being the oldest (though shortest) of the three of them, she was the one who had stepped up to lead her siblings through thick and thin in the past, even if the people they knew thought it was wrong. But they weren't here now. And as it usually would have it, the one who would knock on the door would have to be _her._

Well, they'd come this far. To back out now would mean cowardice. 

Steeling her nerves, Ziana reached up and rapped her knuckles against the metal door, before stepping back to wait with baited breath. 

Nothing happened. 

Not at first, anyway. 

After a long few minutes, the slot eventually opened. A pair of mud brown eyes looked down at them, at first wide and startled. But Ziana could tell when the intial shock wore off; the owner of the eyes glared down at them. 

"What do you want?" a low voice rumbled. 

"Uh... we're looking for a... Dibromide Membrane?" Ziana said. "We were told to come here. We... we'd like to talk to him?" 

A long pause before they heard: "Dib's... Dib's _dead._ " 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the life in Jick's eyes fade, body drooping as he looked to the ground. He had always been so hopeful the rumors were true. Whatever hope he'd had left... it was gone now. 

"Oh," Ziana said. "Oh... we thought he was. The rumors...." 

"Not true," the man grunted. "Sorry to burst your bubble, kid. But Dib's been dead for a long time." 

"So, who's in charge then?" Rem asked. "Whoever it is, we'd like to talk to them." 

The man began squinting. A look that was unfortunately very similar to the face Rem made when he was suspicious. "Who sent you?" 

"No one, sir," Ziana said. "We came here entirely of our own accordance. We'd like to ask your leader to join your rebellion." 

A pause. A long, grating pause. "Are you disguised?" 

"Yes," Jick said suddenly. His body wavered and flickered, before an Irken with bright orange eyes and one bent antenna stood in his place. "We are. All three of us." 

"What are you doing?" Rem hissed, but Jick didn't seem to hear him. 

"We were hoping that if we spoke with Dibromide, he'd let us in and we could help you defeat Zim," the orange-eyed Irken went on. "But now, Dibromide or not, this rebellion may be the only hope we have into freeing the Empire from Zim's claws. And your planet! Just... let us speak to your leader. We want to help!" 

"Are you working for Zim?" the man asked. 

"Are you stupid?" Rem exploded, his trademark temper rearing its ugly head. "Why on Irk would we even be here if we working for that ugly... _ugly..._ that filthy bug?!" 

"Rem!" Ziana said. "Hold your tongue!" 

Normally, that saying worked keeping him quiet; Rem's mouth would snap shut, and he would glare at her as though he wanted to keep shouting, this time at her, though he would stay quiet anyhow. It helped so that she, the more level-headed one of the trio, could continue, because Rem's temper would definitely make them look bad, especially to a human they literally just met. 

But set off on a topic he was passionate about.... 

"I will NOT!" His own disguise wavered and flickered; only the belt with the aqua blue buckle and his boots stayed the same, but an Irken with green eyes that burned with the intensity of a thousand suns had replaced the boy that was there. "He's HORRIBLE! I HATE ZIM! He can go shove a pointy stick up his—" 

Ziana clapped a hand over his mouth, cutting her brother off. "Rem. I said _hold your tongue._ " 

Once it began evident Rem wouldn't explode or start yelling, she removed her hand, ignoring the glare he gave her. As usual. With a sigh, Ziana finally allowed her disguise to go down; her outfit stayed the same, except it was now clear to those watching that the only thing different about her was that her left arm had been replaced with a SIR's. 

"Yes, we are Irken," she told the human. "But that shouldn't matter, right? Your rebellion needs all the help it can get. Sure, if Dibromide was still alive, the chance of getting rid of Zim would have been greater... yet even then, there's still a chance. Besides... only an Irken knows how to defeat another Irken. Right?" 

Once more, the human stayed quiet before they heard a heavy sigh. "I guess so," he said. "But... why do you want to help, exactly?" 

"Because Zim's an idiot and we hate him," Ziana said. "He's more focused on searching for a dead man than on his own Empire. He's pretty much given the order to either bring a live Dibromide to him, or his corpse. He won't stop until then... or until someone were to potentially defeat him. Someone who knows Irkens and their tech like the back of their hand, perhaps... or IS Irken." 

The human's eyes lit up; Ziana could practically see the gears turning. "Oh... yeah," he said. "Yeah...!" But suspicion set in. "But why should we trust you? You're still Irken. I — _we_ don't exactly trust Irkens." 

"Have we done anything bad to you yet?" Rem asked, irritated. "Besides, we've been doing nothing but tell the truth, so cut us some slack, pal. It's not every day three Irksibs travel through the worst smell ever just to help out with an other species' cause." 

"...alright," the man said, the look in his eyes softening. "Fine. But if you join, there's some things you need to know." 

"Uugghh, the catch...." Rem groaned. "Why does there always have to be a catch?" 

"Firstly, someone's going to have to keep an eye on you three," the man said. "Sorry, but this is to make sure you really aren't lying. Secondly, you're still going to have to don your disguises. There's a lot of people in the rebellion who are more than happy to beat small Irkens up. And lastly...." 

The slot closed. After a short peroid of time, the door eventually opened. The man poked his head out; he had black hair, an odd scythe-like thing curling up from his forehead, and two long, frankly ugly scars trailing from the corner of his right eye to the left corner of his mouth. "I lied." 

" _Dibromide?!_ " Jick said. 

"Actually... it's just Dib, if you don't mind," the human said, wincing. 

"DIB?!" the orange-eyed Irken quickly amended. He fell to his knees, clutching his chest, his body trembling all over. "I-I thi-think... oh blessed Bloop, I think my squeedlyspooch just burst." 

Rem crouched down, rubbing the taller Irken's back just below his PAK. 

"So you really are alive?" Ziana said. "Why did you lie before?" 

Dib rolled his eyes, like he got this question all the time. "You never know who might be an Irken in disguise," he said. "It's actually kind of the perfect way to stay hidden. But it's never not weird to tell people you're dead." 

"I-I have so many questions," Jick said, breathless. "How did you...?" 

The human shook his head. "Not now," he said. "Maybe later. But definitely not now. First... disguises?" 

"R-r-right," Jick said. "H-hang... hang on... uhh...." The orange-eyed Irken fumbled for his wrist before the long-haired human boy drowning in a massive orange sweater was back. Rem's ugly-faced disguise flickered to life a second later; eventually, once Ziana's disguise was up, there was practically no sign Dib had been communicating with Irkens. 

Just three preteen human children. 

Rem heaved Jick up to his feet, allowing his brother to lean against him. Jick stared up at Dib, an awed look in his eyes. It could be the shock of discovering the human wasn't really dead after all, or his spooch really had burst and he wasn't exaggerating. Ziana really didn't know. But whatever it was, Jick was staring up at Dib the same way a regular Irken would look up at their Tallest (excluding Zim, of course). 

If Dib noticed, he really didn't mention it. All he did was open the door all the way, allowing the three disguised Irkens inside before closing the door behind them. 

The sewers appeared to be empty once more, almost as though the encounter had never happened to begin with.


	2. Iron Bug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing my favorite headcanon ever - Irkbrane!

Dib wasn't expecting anyone to take the fact he had let Irkens join the rebellion lightly, if he had to be honest. Which was mainly why he'd had the little Irkens (Jick, Ziana and Rem) don their disguises. If they were discovered, they wouldn't exactly receive the kindest reactions from their fellow rebels. 

But barely three minutes in, Jick had straight up revealed he and his Irksibs were, in fact, not human, but Irken. And just as Dib expected, the rest of the rebellion didn't take it lightly. It took him four hours to keep the rest of the rebellion from bashing the three Irkens' brains in, yet he was expecting an unfortunate "accident" to occur at one point behind his back. 

What he wasn't expecting? His father's take on the decision. 

"Son, normally I won't question your choices. But... what if these three are lying to you?" 

Dib barely managed to keep from rolling his eyes. Yeah, what an understatement. Especially coming from the Irken that lied to his children about what he was their entire lives. Honestly, Dib had been half expecting his father to welcome his fellow Irkens into the rebellion. But no, he didn't trust them as much if not more than the human rebels. 

"They might," Dib said. "But they might not." 

Membrane (or Egon... apparently) crossed his arms, furrowing his brow. When disguised, it was hard to read the professor's emotions, since he tended to cover the majority of his face, as his disguise wasn't perfect; out of disguise (which he was currently, since no one else was around to see) he was the most expressive person Dib knew. Pale electric blue eyes, two scars in his jawbone. And, though Irkens rarely ever tended to show their age, Egon actually had wrinkles by his eyes, as well as bags under them, giving him a tired appearance. 

Well, with Dibromide Membrane for a son, who wouldn't be tired? 

"Sometimes I wish you were the same person you were when you were a boy," Egon said. "Trusting aliens was something you were slow from doing. I miss that about you." 

"Oh, I don't trust them," Dib said. "Why do you think Gaz is keeping her eye on them?" Not that his sister was the person he had in mind. She'd sort of put herself in charge of watching over them, and it wasn't like Dib was about to tell her no. She still scared him a little, even if they had mended the bridge between them over the years. 

Egon's antennae flicked back, uncertainty written in his face. "Son," he said. "Even if they seem like they're telling the truth, please listen to me. If this was Red and Purple... being open to trust these three might be acceptable, but this is Zim we're talking about. He tried to kill you, remember?" 

Dib's fingers unconsciously brushed against the scars along his face. It was hard not to remember that. Especially telling people that came up to their doorstep that he was dead brought back some unpleasant memories. 

"Almost any Irken could be working for him," Egon went on. 

"And if these three aren't?" Dib said. "If they really are telling the truth?" 

"Then I'm willing to admit I'm wrong," the professor said. "But either way, Dib...." He reached out, placing a hand on his son's shoulder, his brows creased. "Please be careful." 

Dib shuddered. "Of course," he said. "But don't worry, Dad... if they're lying, I've always got a backup plan." 

Egon sighed. "Son, you know I won't—" he started. 

"Not that," Dib cut him off; at this point it had been drilled into his head that though his father hated his own kind, he refused to make a move against them. Did it make things harder in the long run? Yes. Did Dib care? Not really. "There's someone else we can try." 

Egon's zagged antennae slowly raised. Intrigued. "Who?" 

"It's... a long story," Dib said. "And I'm not sure he's even still alive. But if he is... do you think you could make a dimensional portal device?" 

\------------------ 

"SO! Let _me_ get this straight! Your Zim defeated you... became the Tallest... and now he's looking for you, whether you're alive or not?" 

"That... would be true. Yes." 

"But now you've come to _me_ for my _help_ because of three Irkens you're not sure are being truthful... am I missing anything?" 

"No. That's it." 

"Cool." A pause. "I won't do it." 

Dib sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn't expected this place to be in one piece, or it to be so... dark. He hadn't expected _he_ would still be alive. He hadn't expected _he_ would have rebuilt his suit (this one actually looked a little better than the old one, in excellent condition, but the face was still ugly to look at, and it looked like it had a potbelly), or to be wearing it when he found him. 

But what he _had_ expected was Zib's refusal to help. 

Still, he was hoping he could change his alternate's mind. It would be nice to have a backup plan, since he wasn't really ready to completely put his faith in three little Irkens that could potentially be lying through their teeth. 

"Look, Zib—" Dib started. 

" _That's not my name,_ " his alternate snarled, tightly gripping his throne's armrests. 

"Right," Dib said. "Anyway... it's been twelve years! You should have gotten over it by now." 

Zib bristled at the words _gotten over it._ "How could I get over _this?_ " he said, throwing his arms out as though emphasizing his point. "You and your Zim ruined everything! Why should I help you, huh? After what you've done to me?" 

Dib couldn't think of a response. Zib leaned back in his seat, nodding. "That's what I thought," he said, oddly subdued. "I'm not helping you, Dib. That's final. Now _leave,_ and never come back." 

"Zib...." Maybe there was still hope. 

The alternate Dib's hands slammed down on his throne's armrests, spittle flying out of his mouth as he screamed: "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Zib leaned back again, placing a hand to his suit's forehead. "Just get out of my timeline... please." 

Dib clenched his fists. So much for that backup plan. "Fine," he said. "It's not like we needed you anyway." 

With that, his cloak swishing behind him, Dib turned on his heel and began to leave. He barely faltered when he heard Zib speak again, his voice small and barely audible, almost awed. 

"...need?" The alternate Dib spoke up. "Wait, wait... did you say you _need_ me?" 

"We all did," Dib said. "All of Earth depended on you say yes. But it turns out we don't." 

A sharp, almost pained inhale. "No, wait...." Dib heard a loud clanking thud behind him; he didn't need to look back to know Zib had fallen down. "Maybe I _could_ do _something...._ " 

"You said it yourself, Zib," Dib said. "That's final. Goodbye." 

He'd barely taken another step before his alternate began rambling. 

"No, please... th-there must be something," Zib said, his voice wavering. "Right? Anything you need, I'll do it. What do you need from me? A weapon? Something to instantly kill Zim when it touches him? Please, whatever it is, I can do it! I'll do _anything_ if you need it! I can _do_ anything!" 

Dib stopped, turning back to his alternate. Zib was laying belly down on the floor, stretching an arm out to him. He almost looked pathetic; a desperate look of hope on his suit's face (Dib assumed the machine was mapping his facial expressions and matching it to some degree or another), his entire body shaking. 

Dib realized his next decision made would either make Zib's day... or break him entirely. 

But it was final, wasn't it? This had been a waste of time, anyway. It didn't matter if Zib had changed his tune (and so quickly at that) — it was all final. And Zib knew that. 

Right? 

Right. 

Dib turned, continuing on his way. This was fine. There was no guilt weighing on his heart, and even if there was, it certainly didn't start growing heavier when a broken sob reached his ears. Nor when Zib started hiccuping and sniffling. Or when Dib turned his head and saw his alternate curled into himself, clutching his chest as though his heart had snapped in two, trembling all over as though he'd been stuck out in the cold. 

Oh, who was he trying to fool? Who was he actually trying to fool? 

Dib turned to completely face his alternate. "Get up." 

"Wha... what?" The robotic Zim suit's head opened, and Zib lifted his own head out of it, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Dib's heart twanged. Zib hadn't aged one second since the last time they met. Sure, he should have expected that since the machine was small (smaller than he remembered it being), but to actually see his alternate hadn't changed one iota was another thing entirely. 

Although, and it might have been a trick of the dim light, Zib almost looked... softer. Rounder. Cuter, somehow. 

There was one thing he had to keep in mind. What Dib was seeing wasn't some horrible little gremlin man, nor was it the face he had seen in his nightmares for months after leaving the Zimvoid. 

He was looking at a little boy. A sad, lonely little boy. 

His alternate stood on shaky legs, disbelieving. "Y-you're... you really mean...?" 

"I _guess_ we do still need that backup plan," Dib said. 

The other laughed, paused. Laughed again, paused again. Then breaking the cycle of indecision, Zib just let it all out, laughing and crying all the way as he ran over to Dib, wrapping his arms around one of his legs in a tight bear hug. 

Dib, unsure what to do, leaned down and awkwardly patted Zib's head. 

After a minute, his alternate pulled away and the machine's head closed around his own again, hiding his face once more as the two began to walk. "You... you won't regret this," Zib told Dib. "I promise, you won't regret this one second." 

"I'll be the judge of that," Dib grunted. "Um... so, are you just going to keep wearing that thing, or...?" 

"Hmm? Oh, my exoskeleton," Zib said. "Yeah... I'm not taking it off." 

"You're sure?" Dib pursed his lips when Zib nodded. "There's... a lot of people who hate Zim, so you're kind of painting a huge target on your back." 

Zib reached up and knocked on the suit's — err, exoskeleton's — head. _CLANK, CLANK, CLANK!_ "Armored," he calmly announced. "As long as I'm in here, I'm safe." 

"Okay, okay... but why Zim?" Dib said. "Couldn't you have made the suit anything else? Endoskeleton... whatever it is." 

"No, actually," Zib said. "All I could do was improve the one I had." 

"Oh." So he hadn't rebuilt the suit. 

"What, do you have a problem with it or something?" 

"I mean... I'm not kidding when I say _a lot_ of people hate Zim," Dib told him. "There's so many at this point that it's actually an understatement. Plus...." Dib reached up to brush his fingers against his scars. "I mean, Zim _did_ almost kill me, so. Yeah." 

Zib stopped in his tracks, looking wide-eyed up at Dib. "WHAT." 

"Yeah," Dib said. He furrowed his brows. "I told you that." 

"No! Actually. You didn't." The exoskeleton's head opened up again, allowing Zib himself to glare up at Dib, hands on his hips. "You just said he defeated you. I mean, well... okay." Zib scratched his head, brown eyes trained on the floor in thought. "I killed my Zim, but you're alive! So, all things considered, I thought that meant he knocked you down a peg and he won!" 

"I thought it was obvious." 

"Well, it wasn't," the tiny alternate told him. "Maybe you should have specified." 

Dib reached down to ruffle Zib's hair. "Didn't need to," he said. "You would have figured it out because you're a smart lil' guy." 

Zib hissed, taking a step back to try and fix his hair, smoothing his hands through his hair-scythes. "Don't... don't patronize me, Dib." 

Dib smirked. "Why not?" 

"Because I'll...." He fumed for a minute, trying to come up with a comeback. "I'll stab your knees! WITH PENCILS!" 

"Ah, I see. Stab my knees because that's the only place you can reach." 

"HEY." 

"Not my fault you're so short." 

A bitter, almost forced chuckle. "You think this is soooo funny, don't you?" 

Dib shrugged. "I mean, you're making it funny." 

Zib stuttered, baffled. "How am I making this funny? I'm twenty-four, but I still look and sound like I'm twelve! This isn't funny!" 

"This is the funniest thing I've seen today." 

The little alternate clenched his fists, face red. "DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR DO YOU WANT TO GET STABBED IN THE KNEES? IT'S ONE OR THE OTHER, TAKE YOUR PICK." 

Dib fitted his hands under Zib's arms, much to Zib's obvious confusion. Being so small, Dib expected his alternate to barely be an inconvenience. But upon lifting the little guy off his feet.... 

"MY GOD," Dib exclaimed. "You weigh a TON! What've you been eating?" 

"Nothing!" Zib shouted back, almost too quickly. "But, uhh... put me down." 

"How can something so small be so heavy? You look like you should weigh less than this, but God! Is it the suit? Or did you stuff bricks in there by chance? Asking for a friend... so I can warn them not to pick you up." 

"DIB, I'M SERIOUS. PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I'LL BITE YOU." His eyes were wild, and Dib could swear he could hear some faint beeping. 

"Yeah, okay, but I need to know." 

"You really don't!" Zib said. "There's a feature I installed in the exoskeleton that forces it to crack open like an egg and drop me if something holds me by the arms for a certain period of time. No time to explain why, though I'll admit it's not the brightest idea I've ever had, but long story short, I'M GOING TO FALL IF YOU KEEP HOLDING ME!" 

The beeping was intensifying, picking up in volume and in speed. 

"I'll only put you down if you tell me." 

"OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID," the alternate screamed, eyes practically bulging out of his head, sweat pouring down his face. "THERE'S NO TIME! PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWN—" 

The suit seemingly broke in half. The tiny alternate Dib immediately fell out, colliding face first with the ground. 

"Unnnggghhhh... why didn't I tell you the exoskeleton would explode," Zib grumbled into the metal floor. 

Dib shook his head. "I survived crashing into the ground from the atmosphere. This is nothing. Get up." 

"Nah," Zib said. "Changed my mind again. Gonna go with my first decision. I'm not gonna help you." 

"Oh, come on," Dib groaned. "It's not that big of a deal." 

"Nah," the other said again. "Not gonna do it. Get your untrustworthy Irkens to help you. I'm done." 

Dib crouched down by the little Dib, placing the two halves of the exoskeleton on the floor. "Are you going to tell me why?" 

Zib lifted his head, allowing his chin to rest on the floor. "It's been... a stressful twelve years," he said. "And now you're back. but you've aged, and your Earth needs my help, while I've stayed relatively the same, except for the fact I've...." 

His face suddenly flushed in what one could only assume was embarrassment, and he muttered something under his breath. 

"Sorry, what?" Dib said. "Could you... speak up? I missed that." 

Zib shook his head, burying his face into the floor. "Nevermind," he mumbled. "It's not important. Just go." 

"Zib—" 

"Not my name," Zib interrupted, still mumbling. 

"Whatever. I don't really think you want to be alone here for much longer. And whether you like it or not, I'd trust you more than a trio of Irkens I just met any day. But you gotta trust me, too. Important or not, I'd like to know." 

The tiny alternate emitted a growl. "Fiiiiiine," he said. He looked up at Dib, almost pained. "I've gained weight recently. I don't know how or why." 

Dib shrugged. "Alright." 

Zib made a little spluttering noise, incredulous. "You're not going to poke fun at that?" 

"Good God, what kind of a savage do you take me for?" Honestly. HONESTLY. "I'm not going to poke fun at what looks like a twelve year old boy for mysteriously and unexplainably getting chubby. Even if it doesn't add up." 

"Or even if he deserves it?" 

Dib shook his head, ruffling Zib's hair again. "Or even if he deserves it." 

Zib nodded. "Alright. I'll help. Final answer. But if I do, there's one condition I have." 

Dib grit his teeth. Should have expected that. "And it is...?" 

The small alternate swatted Dib's hands away, shaking with fury. "STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "STOP I'M SERIOUS. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH HAIR GEL I HAVE TO USE?"


End file.
